11 years ago
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Florida Bible Camp and the Flu
Last week I went to work in the kitchen at Florida bible Camp. It was the week my church Argyle and Central go together. I grew up going to that camp for several summers and i wanted to go back and work in the kitchen. It was a blast. I went tuesday night and stayed til thursday night. Just a couple of days. While there I went tubing down the Itchatucknee (sp?) with all the campers. That was fun too. then on my way home thursday night I started feeling achey. i woke up Friday morning running a fever of 101.9. YUCK!! I haven't had a fever like that in a long time, and it has been kicking my butt ever since then. Here it is Wed. and still I am worn out. i think that I am getting better, but I just have NO energy. I hear that it was a nasty bug running through camp. Like 20 plus kids have gotten it on different levels. I'm ready to be done.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Busy Summer
This is a blog for a catch up on all The Lee Family is doing.
Griffin recently attended VBS at Argyle COC. She had a blast. On the last night she was called up on stage to play as the "Kid Contestant" in the Studio Game Show. She was able to answer the question right (with a little help from the studio audience). She loved it because our Youth minister Nathan, and my good friend Stephanie, Sadie's Mom, also played, lost, and got slimmed that night in front of all the kids. So cute.
Also during that week we went to Daytona Beach with Mom, Dad, and Aunt Sarah. We had a blast at the pool that had a Lazy River, and huge water slide, and of course the beach. Griffin is becoming quite the fish. We also spent a couple of days meeting up with Matt, Jennifer, and Karli Malone at the beach in Jacksonville. Karli and Griff had a blast playing and drinking "Man Drinks"(AKA Capri Suns, but Karli calls them that because the have a little surfer man, or some other sports guy on the front). We have laughed about that a lot.
Then after VBS we did a family service project called "Waste Not, Want Not" wit hour friends, The Sohms, at church. We rescued food from the Mandarin area Publix stores, and then wen to a delivery/pick up site and helped load food into cars of those who can get the food to homeless of Jacksonville or needy families. It was eye opening, and I'm thankful I got to share this with Ryan and Griffin. We will probably be doing this again soon if anyone would like to join us.
Ryan has been very busy with work. He is still working at the hospital in Jax. Memorial Hospital and Mayo Clinic. He is certified Medical gas, so he and his crew install the gas in hospital room, emergency rooms, and operating rooms. He enjoys that work. He still has to get outside and do a lot of the hard labor too, replacing older pipes and all that stuff. His boss is a blessing to us, and he enjoys fishing with him and another buddy from work. Ryan also plays softball two nights a week, when its not raining. It rains almost every afternoon here.
I'm starting a a Children's Chorus at my church for ages 3-5th grade. We have had one meeting and one practice, and it has been such a joy. I have about 15 kids, and they are so sweet. They are mostly younger. Griffin loves it, and she helps me pick out the music. We plan to sing at our church events like our yearly Trunk or Treat, maybe a Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter party. Those kind of things. We may also try to visit a few nursing homes. It has already been a blessing to me just to hear those little voices, and get to spend time around the kids. I'll post pics sometime.
I am still trying to cope with the loss of our sweet Jack. It is a daily struggle! I try to keep positive and live in the present as much as possible. I still find my time to grieve, mostly when I am alone. He is still so much a part of us. We try to keep his spirit alive in all that we do. We don't want him to be forgotten. We carry him with us in our hearts.
This past weekend was my sister, Sarah's, birthday. It was a lot of fun to go back to Valdosta and spend time with family and friends. We had a family cookout where Griffin and Kimberly spent their day picking blueberries, swimming, and riding around on "The Bulldog".
While in Valdosta Griffin and I also went visit my friend Sara and Griff's little friend, Sydney. It was fun we took pics of them at the park. It was a great trip.
So now I feel a little more caught up. It was a LONG post.
Griffin recently attended VBS at Argyle COC. She had a blast. On the last night she was called up on stage to play as the "Kid Contestant" in the Studio Game Show. She was able to answer the question right (with a little help from the studio audience). She loved it because our Youth minister Nathan, and my good friend Stephanie, Sadie's Mom, also played, lost, and got slimmed that night in front of all the kids. So cute.
Also during that week we went to Daytona Beach with Mom, Dad, and Aunt Sarah. We had a blast at the pool that had a Lazy River, and huge water slide, and of course the beach. Griffin is becoming quite the fish. We also spent a couple of days meeting up with Matt, Jennifer, and Karli Malone at the beach in Jacksonville. Karli and Griff had a blast playing and drinking "Man Drinks"(AKA Capri Suns, but Karli calls them that because the have a little surfer man, or some other sports guy on the front). We have laughed about that a lot.
Then after VBS we did a family service project called "Waste Not, Want Not" wit hour friends, The Sohms, at church. We rescued food from the Mandarin area Publix stores, and then wen to a delivery/pick up site and helped load food into cars of those who can get the food to homeless of Jacksonville or needy families. It was eye opening, and I'm thankful I got to share this with Ryan and Griffin. We will probably be doing this again soon if anyone would like to join us.
Ryan has been very busy with work. He is still working at the hospital in Jax. Memorial Hospital and Mayo Clinic. He is certified Medical gas, so he and his crew install the gas in hospital room, emergency rooms, and operating rooms. He enjoys that work. He still has to get outside and do a lot of the hard labor too, replacing older pipes and all that stuff. His boss is a blessing to us, and he enjoys fishing with him and another buddy from work. Ryan also plays softball two nights a week, when its not raining. It rains almost every afternoon here.
I'm starting a a Children's Chorus at my church for ages 3-5th grade. We have had one meeting and one practice, and it has been such a joy. I have about 15 kids, and they are so sweet. They are mostly younger. Griffin loves it, and she helps me pick out the music. We plan to sing at our church events like our yearly Trunk or Treat, maybe a Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter party. Those kind of things. We may also try to visit a few nursing homes. It has already been a blessing to me just to hear those little voices, and get to spend time around the kids. I'll post pics sometime.
I am still trying to cope with the loss of our sweet Jack. It is a daily struggle! I try to keep positive and live in the present as much as possible. I still find my time to grieve, mostly when I am alone. He is still so much a part of us. We try to keep his spirit alive in all that we do. We don't want him to be forgotten. We carry him with us in our hearts.
This past weekend was my sister, Sarah's, birthday. It was a lot of fun to go back to Valdosta and spend time with family and friends. We had a family cookout where Griffin and Kimberly spent their day picking blueberries, swimming, and riding around on "The Bulldog".
While in Valdosta Griffin and I also went visit my friend Sara and Griff's little friend, Sydney. It was fun we took pics of them at the park. It was a great trip.
So now I feel a little more caught up. It was a LONG post.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Beautiful Moment
The past few weeks have been really busy, and I have been a little too emotional to blog.
Where should I begin?
Jack's 1st birthday week was much better then expected. Griffin left Sat. before his birthday and went to stay with my Mom and Dad, so I could make all the arrangements for the butterfly release. It also gave me some time to grieve. Mom's church was having VBS, so I knew Griffin was having fun and playing with friends and cousins. So while I was at home i looked thought pics of us with Jack, and cried. I watched our videos, which just don't seem like enough. Ryan and I did go to dinner one night, and then we did some cleaning around the house. I had been wanting to clean our carpets, and stuff so that kinda kept us busy and burned off some stress. We also did some yard work and planted flowers. My Aunt Sandra sent me some money to buy some butterfly bushes for the back yard. We planted a garden a few weeks earlier with a butterfly flag, wind chimes, and such in the backyard for Jack. So we added some fresh flowers and the butterfly bushes I bought at the butterfly farm.
Tuesday morning my friend, Charlotte and
I drove to Gainesville, FL to pick up my butterfly order. While we were there I scheduled a tour of the garden for me and her. I thought it might be a cool and interesting distraction for the coming day. It was neat. My dear friend was a joy to bring along. She and my friend, Allison also bought me some butterfly bushes, Lantana, and Milkweed. These are all butterfly and caterpillar attracting plants. Very cool. So Ryan added them to our flower garden.
Tuesday night, before Jack's birthday, Ryan and I drove to Valdosta and met Griffin, Mom, and Dad at church for Griff's final night at VBS. We went to Mom and Dad's and got up early and went to the cemetery. I took Jack a birthday flower arrangement, and we sang Happy birthday to Jack. Then we spent a little time taking pics, and telling him we love him and miss him. It is still so shocking. It is unreal, that our son is actually buried, and not with us.
Then we drove back to Valdosta for Griffin last ballet class before her big recital. Then we got home and got ready for a few close friends and family to come over for the butterfly release. Jack's nurse, Janine, his doctor, Dr. Kelly, and "The Puppet Lady", Ms. Sharon, came to spend the evening honoring Jack. At 6:18 PM we released the butterflies. A lot flew off, but several stayed around and fluttered around the kids, and me, Ryan, and Griffin. It was really special. I can't even put into words how perfect it was. Then we went inside to food that my sweet friend prepared including an apple cake with sliced apples in the shape of a butterfly on the top, made by my sweet friend, Jennifer.
We are blessed by the love and support of dear friends, and loving family. I know Jack was smiling down from Heaven. There is an Indian Legend about Butterflies. If you whisper a message to them they can carry the message to Heaven to our loved ones there. I shared this with all the guests, so we all whispered messages to Jack before we released them. It was a very beautiful moment.
I'll post more about dance recital with pictures soon.
Where should I begin?
Jack's 1st birthday week was much better then expected. Griffin left Sat. before his birthday and went to stay with my Mom and Dad, so I could make all the arrangements for the butterfly release. It also gave me some time to grieve. Mom's church was having VBS, so I knew Griffin was having fun and playing with friends and cousins. So while I was at home i looked thought pics of us with Jack, and cried. I watched our videos, which just don't seem like enough. Ryan and I did go to dinner one night, and then we did some cleaning around the house. I had been wanting to clean our carpets, and stuff so that kinda kept us busy and burned off some stress. We also did some yard work and planted flowers. My Aunt Sandra sent me some money to buy some butterfly bushes for the back yard. We planted a garden a few weeks earlier with a butterfly flag, wind chimes, and such in the backyard for Jack. So we added some fresh flowers and the butterfly bushes I bought at the butterfly farm.
Tuesday morning my friend, Charlotte and
I drove to Gainesville, FL to pick up my butterfly order. While we were there I scheduled a tour of the garden for me and her. I thought it might be a cool and interesting distraction for the coming day. It was neat. My dear friend was a joy to bring along. She and my friend, Allison also bought me some butterfly bushes, Lantana, and Milkweed. These are all butterfly and caterpillar attracting plants. Very cool. So Ryan added them to our flower garden.
Tuesday night, before Jack's birthday, Ryan and I drove to Valdosta and met Griffin, Mom, and Dad at church for Griff's final night at VBS. We went to Mom and Dad's and got up early and went to the cemetery. I took Jack a birthday flower arrangement, and we sang Happy birthday to Jack. Then we spent a little time taking pics, and telling him we love him and miss him. It is still so shocking. It is unreal, that our son is actually buried, and not with us.
Then we drove back to Valdosta for Griffin last ballet class before her big recital. Then we got home and got ready for a few close friends and family to come over for the butterfly release. Jack's nurse, Janine, his doctor, Dr. Kelly, and "The Puppet Lady", Ms. Sharon, came to spend the evening honoring Jack. At 6:18 PM we released the butterflies. A lot flew off, but several stayed around and fluttered around the kids, and me, Ryan, and Griffin. It was really special. I can't even put into words how perfect it was. Then we went inside to food that my sweet friend prepared including an apple cake with sliced apples in the shape of a butterfly on the top, made by my sweet friend, Jennifer.
We are blessed by the love and support of dear friends, and loving family. I know Jack was smiling down from Heaven. There is an Indian Legend about Butterflies. If you whisper a message to them they can carry the message to Heaven to our loved ones there. I shared this with all the guests, so we all whispered messages to Jack before we released them. It was a very beautiful moment.
I'll post more about dance recital with pictures soon.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Jack's Birthday: Wed. June 10th
Jack's birthday is this Wednesday. I can't believe a year has come and gone. Wow to think back at the expectations and uncertainty that Ryan and I had. The birth of that sweet little boy turned our lives upside down. I wish I could explain all the emotions that we were flooded with. Helpless but hopeful. Scared but with an unexplainable peace. We always knew that God was in charge when it came to Jack. It was like every step we took God was leading the way. Thank the Lord for that. i think looking back now I can see that even more.
For Jack's birthday we are doing a butterfly release here at our house. He was born at 6:18 pm, so that is when we will release them. I am also wrapping a special gift for Griffin to open for her brother. I'll share pictures later. Please pray for us the next few days, especially Wed. I know it is going to be very emotional. A lot of emotions are hitting me like waves. The sadness and emptiness of losing him. Wondering what life would have been like with Jack. Wishing I could see his little smile and hold him in my arms. I loved kissing under his little chin tight on his neck. I miss that so much. So much to miss and replay in my mind. I always run his life like a movie through my head. Trying to hang on to everything.
I read a book a few months ago; Lament For A Son by: Nicholas Wolterstorff. It is about a man who lost his son when his son was mountain climbing. It is a different situation, his son was older, but a lot of the pain is the same. He sums up some of how I'm feeling, and how I feel daily in words that pierce my heart.
"It is the neverness that is so painful. Never to be here with us-never sit with us at the table, never travel with us, never laugh with us, never to embrace us as he leaves for school, never to see his sister marry."
"It's so wrong, so profoundly wrong for a child to die before its parents."
"I lament all that might have been, and now will never be."
"The TEARS...streamed down, and I let them flow as freely as they would, making of them a pillow for my heart. On them I rested." ~Augustine
Jack,
I hope you have a birthday party in Heaven. I hope the angels sing the most beautiful birthday song ever heard. We love you, and we will be sending butterflies your way. Enjoy the sight as friends and family gather to send up our love. You are, and will always be my sweet baby boy. God blessed me when he sent you down to spend a precious moment with us.
My love to you,
Mommy
For Jack's birthday we are doing a butterfly release here at our house. He was born at 6:18 pm, so that is when we will release them. I am also wrapping a special gift for Griffin to open for her brother. I'll share pictures later. Please pray for us the next few days, especially Wed. I know it is going to be very emotional. A lot of emotions are hitting me like waves. The sadness and emptiness of losing him. Wondering what life would have been like with Jack. Wishing I could see his little smile and hold him in my arms. I loved kissing under his little chin tight on his neck. I miss that so much. So much to miss and replay in my mind. I always run his life like a movie through my head. Trying to hang on to everything.
I read a book a few months ago; Lament For A Son by: Nicholas Wolterstorff. It is about a man who lost his son when his son was mountain climbing. It is a different situation, his son was older, but a lot of the pain is the same. He sums up some of how I'm feeling, and how I feel daily in words that pierce my heart.
"It is the neverness that is so painful. Never to be here with us-never sit with us at the table, never travel with us, never laugh with us, never to embrace us as he leaves for school, never to see his sister marry."
"It's so wrong, so profoundly wrong for a child to die before its parents."
"I lament all that might have been, and now will never be."
"The TEARS...streamed down, and I let them flow as freely as they would, making of them a pillow for my heart. On them I rested." ~Augustine
Jack,
I hope you have a birthday party in Heaven. I hope the angels sing the most beautiful birthday song ever heard. We love you, and we will be sending butterflies your way. Enjoy the sight as friends and family gather to send up our love. You are, and will always be my sweet baby boy. God blessed me when he sent you down to spend a precious moment with us.
My love to you,
Mommy
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Lake Palatka with Friends
This past holiday weekend we went with our friends Jeff and Allison Martin and their little boy, Carson, and LK and Monica Wilson and their little girl, Brooke. We had the best time. We left Friday and got to the house right on the lake and unloaded groceries, got beds ready, and luggage in the house. All that settling in stuff. Then we let the little kids watch a movie and the big kids started playing board games and cards. We had so much fun. We got the kids down to sleep and we continued playing cards and laughing until about 3:00am. Then about 8:00am the kids started waking up. LK made us pancakes for breakfast, and we brewed some STRONG coffee and began our lake vacation. Jeff had a pontoon (sp?) boat and two jet skis. We brought our boat, which is a ski boat. We started the day with a boat ride. It was a beautiful day. It was so relaxing. Then we went in because of a thunder storm, and ate lunch. Then it was time for a WalMart run while it was still yucky outside. Then we got back to the lake house and started making dinner. We had spaghetti with salad, and LK made some FABULOUS bread with cheeses, parmigiana, and pesto. So yummy. Then we watched some more kids movies, and played cards until 1:00 am. At least that was when I went to bed, I think a game of Rummy went until 3:00 am. (I'm getting too old to stay up late many nights in a row). Next day we went to the Blue Crab festival by boat and jet ski. It was a lot of fun. We walked around and watched a pig race. Our favorite piggy, Snoop Hoggy Hogg won. The kids loved it. Then we swam off the side of the boat and Monica, Allison, and I raced the jet skis back to the Lake house. Poor Monica flew off and lost her glasses. Then we got back to lake house and had lunch and waited out that day's thunderstorm. Then more boat riding and that night we went out on the boat and shined bright spotlights and saw all the gators...SCARY, especially since we have all been swimming in that water. It was kinda cool though. More food, more movies, and then more cards. Allison and I spanked LK and Jeff in a VERY competitive game of Spades. The boys were talking A LOT of trash in that game, but nothing has been mentioned since then. they are denying that the game ever took place. But we know how it happened. Ryan and Monica are witnesses. Next day more eating, boating, jet skiing, and swimming. I drove Griffin on one jet ski, and Allison drove Carson on the other. It was so great to spend time with Griffin doing something really fun and different. She LOVED the jet ski. I'm also glad she got to spend her time with her very great friend, Brooke and Carson.
A great time was had by all. Most fun i have had in a while. Then we had to go home and back to work. We need a vacation from our vacation. I'll post pics soon.
PS...Then I cried all the way home to Jacksonville wishing Jack were there, because he would have been toddling around with the kids and smiling a lot. I miss you Bubby. Mommy keeps you in my heart with us in all that we do. I thought of him a lot when we rode in the boat. I looked to the sky imagining the fun he was having and the peace he was feeling. Everyday to him is a beautiful, perfect vacation. Praise God for Heaven!
A great time was had by all. Most fun i have had in a while. Then we had to go home and back to work. We need a vacation from our vacation. I'll post pics soon.
PS...Then I cried all the way home to Jacksonville wishing Jack were there, because he would have been toddling around with the kids and smiling a lot. I miss you Bubby. Mommy keeps you in my heart with us in all that we do. I thought of him a lot when we rode in the boat. I looked to the sky imagining the fun he was having and the peace he was feeling. Everyday to him is a beautiful, perfect vacation. Praise God for Heaven!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Happy thoughts
Jack's 1st birthday is just around the corner so I have been thinking a lot about him and the best things about him. Here is a small list of some of my happiest thoughts of Jack.
1. His soft, feathry brown hair
2. His knowing eyes. His eyes showed wisdom, strength, kindness, and love.
3. The smell of his hair. It did not matter the shampoo I used he always had the same distinct
little smell. I'll never forget it.
4. The way he snuggled. He loved to be held close and tight.
5. His sweet little feet. They were perfect!!! (HE proved those doctors wrong)
6. His strong grip. He loved to hold your thumb or finger as tight as he could.
7. He was a spunky little guy. Full of fight and very determined.
8. The way he looked at Griffin, his big sister, with so much love and adoration.
9. The day he smiled so big and let out a precious giggle.
10. The lessons he taught my family of love, gentleness, perserverance, and bravery.
"Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour
I would die for you
This is the miracle of love." ~Maureen Hawkins
"A baby boy was created by the hand of God above to give the world the sweetest touch of tenderness and love. With the softness of a whisper, God made a baby's skin and then designed two trusting eyes to put the starlight in. With giggles from a waterfall and breezes passing by, God made a baby's laughter and a tiny, sleepy sigh. God made the world a precious gift more dear and pure than gold, with little toes to play with and tiny hands to hold then brought into the sunshine a precious baby boy All wrapped up in a rainbow of wonder, hope, and joy." -unknown author
1. His soft, feathry brown hair
2. His knowing eyes. His eyes showed wisdom, strength, kindness, and love.
3. The smell of his hair. It did not matter the shampoo I used he always had the same distinct
little smell. I'll never forget it.
4. The way he snuggled. He loved to be held close and tight.
5. His sweet little feet. They were perfect!!! (HE proved those doctors wrong)
6. His strong grip. He loved to hold your thumb or finger as tight as he could.
7. He was a spunky little guy. Full of fight and very determined.
8. The way he looked at Griffin, his big sister, with so much love and adoration.
9. The day he smiled so big and let out a precious giggle.
10. The lessons he taught my family of love, gentleness, perserverance, and bravery.
"Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour
I would die for you
This is the miracle of love." ~Maureen Hawkins
"A baby boy was created by the hand of God above to give the world the sweetest touch of tenderness and love. With the softness of a whisper, God made a baby's skin and then designed two trusting eyes to put the starlight in. With giggles from a waterfall and breezes passing by, God made a baby's laughter and a tiny, sleepy sigh. God made the world a precious gift more dear and pure than gold, with little toes to play with and tiny hands to hold then brought into the sunshine a precious baby boy All wrapped up in a rainbow of wonder, hope, and joy." -unknown author
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Mother's Day, Griffin's Birthday, and missing Jack
We had a good Mother's Day with Mom and Dad and my sister Sarah. They came in from Valdosta on Sat. Sat night we cooked steaks and corn on the cob, and ate salad. I made a chocolate birthday cake for Griffin and we asked "my elder" from church to come over and have dessert with us. We had cake and coffee and Griffin opened some of her presents that night. The Sunday we ate breakfast at Panera bread, went to church, went to the beach, said goodbye to Sarah, and then ate at Olive Garden that night.
Monday I had to work, and then Tuesday was Griffin's birthday and last day of school. I had planned to take the whole day off, but I ended up needing to go in to help with some meetings. So I worked from 8-10 am, went to Griffin's end of year program at her pre-school. It was so cute. She and her class sang 3 songs, and they had a slide show of all the things the kids did during the year. Then we ate lunch together and I went back to work from 1-3:00pm. Then we had a birthday party with some close friends and family at Ollie Koala's. (It is kinda like Chuck E. Cheese). I'll post pictures of it all soon. I can't believe my Griff is 4 years old. Time flies by so fast. I also can't believe that May 12th also marked the date of six months ago that Jack passed away. June 10th is coming fast. Jack would be one year old.
Those dates hit me like giant waves at the ocean. I can see them coming from a distance and I get scared before they even get here. I can feel it building. My anxiety and saddness build like the wave and then it crashes on us. Even Griffin can feel it. Tonight she started crying for Jack and wanted him to come back to us. I told her that when we were all old we would go to Heaven too, and get to see Jack. It broke my heart when she said, "Mom I wish I was old and could go to Heaven now." Bless her little heart. She cried and cried for Jack. Tonight she is holding one of Jack's Teddy Bears tight as she sleeps, with little tear streaks down her cheeks.
I pray that God can give her sweet dreams tonight, a peace, and understanding that is wise beyond her little years. I hate that she has already had to face such a terrible loss. It is bad enought that me, Rayn, and our adult family has, but she is so little. Most kids have not lost a loved one or even a pet yet. They are still able to experience a life without the pain of loss. But my sweet 4 year old lost her brother, her little Bubby that she helped take care of. She bathed him, helped me feed him, change diapers, and all the big sister things, and now he is gone, and none of us really undrstand why or how it all happened.
That is all for now.
Amanda
*We love you Bubby. Mommy, Daddy, and Sissy love you and miss you!
Monday I had to work, and then Tuesday was Griffin's birthday and last day of school. I had planned to take the whole day off, but I ended up needing to go in to help with some meetings. So I worked from 8-10 am, went to Griffin's end of year program at her pre-school. It was so cute. She and her class sang 3 songs, and they had a slide show of all the things the kids did during the year. Then we ate lunch together and I went back to work from 1-3:00pm. Then we had a birthday party with some close friends and family at Ollie Koala's. (It is kinda like Chuck E. Cheese). I'll post pictures of it all soon. I can't believe my Griff is 4 years old. Time flies by so fast. I also can't believe that May 12th also marked the date of six months ago that Jack passed away. June 10th is coming fast. Jack would be one year old.
Those dates hit me like giant waves at the ocean. I can see them coming from a distance and I get scared before they even get here. I can feel it building. My anxiety and saddness build like the wave and then it crashes on us. Even Griffin can feel it. Tonight she started crying for Jack and wanted him to come back to us. I told her that when we were all old we would go to Heaven too, and get to see Jack. It broke my heart when she said, "Mom I wish I was old and could go to Heaven now." Bless her little heart. She cried and cried for Jack. Tonight she is holding one of Jack's Teddy Bears tight as she sleeps, with little tear streaks down her cheeks.
I pray that God can give her sweet dreams tonight, a peace, and understanding that is wise beyond her little years. I hate that she has already had to face such a terrible loss. It is bad enought that me, Rayn, and our adult family has, but she is so little. Most kids have not lost a loved one or even a pet yet. They are still able to experience a life without the pain of loss. But my sweet 4 year old lost her brother, her little Bubby that she helped take care of. She bathed him, helped me feed him, change diapers, and all the big sister things, and now he is gone, and none of us really undrstand why or how it all happened.
That is all for now.
Amanda
*We love you Bubby. Mommy, Daddy, and Sissy love you and miss you!
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