How bout some good news

Alright...I know my last few blogs have been really low. I'm sure most folks have about stopped reading because it is pretty depressing. So...how bout some good news!

Here we go. I got a job teaching Kindergarten. That is new and exciting. I will teach every morning at my same school Mandarin Oaks. I will teach mornings, and my friend Lisa will teach afternoons. She has a newborn cutie, Reed. So it will give us both a great opportunity to stay in the classroom part time and then be home with our kiddos too. Griffin will be VPK every morning. So as soon as I get off work, she will be done with school and we will have the afternoons to hang out. It is her last year before Kindergarten, and then she will be with me at my school. Yay! What a blessing.

More fun times. I took Griffin to see Dora Live here in Jax. We went with my friend Stephanie, and her little girl, Sadie. It was a blast! We went out for pizza at a cool little Italian place, then we went and enjoyed the show.

Griffin is going to be in two weddings. She is going to be the flower girl in Bart and Casey's wedding in at the end of August. Then we will all 3 be in Renee's wedding in May. So we are busy with an exciting year ahead of us.

And...we are getting a puppy on August 14th. Her name is Robin. She is part Irish Setter and Golden Retriever. We can't wait to meet her. I'm posting pictures of her from his cousin Kim.

Poem read at Jack's Funereal By : Eddie Phillips

Our elder and dear friend, Eddie Phillips, from Argyle church of Christ spoke at Jack's funereal. He took all of the fun and positive things we did with Jack and did a fantastic job. this poem was part of what he read. I read it often to remember the good days we had with Jack. Enjoy!

Adapted from a poem entitled God lent us a child.

Baby Jack’s coming gave us so much joy

And we wanted to hide him from the world and all it's pain.

To show him only laughter, and the beauty of butterflies,

The wonder of God's sunrise and of that same sun setting.
His loving family showed him the fun of a day at the park and feeding bread to the fish,

The joy of his cousins T ball game,

the silliness of the circus,
The serenity of walking on the beach at St Augustine,

Listening to the ocean and watching the clouds as they pass by.
For some stay too long and are soon too serious and stressed to laugh.

We become too busy to notice a butterfly.

We are too tired to rise for the sunrise,

and the sun setting only means the end of another day of work;

And who after childhood takes time to stop and notice the clouds?
We won't see his smile

And we won't hear his laugh anymore

'Cause time wasn't on his side.
But he taught us to look at the world through a child's eyes

And to take time to enjoy life's simple joys.
God lent us a child

For us to love and to care for.

He couldn't promise he would stay

Since all from earth return.
No, we'll never forget him;

We'll never let him out of our hearts;

And we'll hold on to the memories.
We will think of him as resting from his struggles

in a place of warmth and comfort

Where there are no days and years.

We give him back to you, O Lord,

Who first gave him to us,

In heaven with Jesus,

where again we shall meet.

Can't help but wonder...

Why did it happen? Why did we lose our baby boy? I was standing in the kitchen washing dishes, and watching Griffin play in the den with one of her friends, Presley. I suddenly got a lump in my throat thinking that I could picture Jack crawling and toddling in the middle of the girls and the Barbie's they were playing with.

I always wonder how different my house would sound if he were here with us. There is ALWAYS a void, a missing piece. It makes me want to scream and bang my hands on this keyboard. We were cheated out of having a little boy. Ryan always wanted a son. I prayed for a son for Ryan. Griffin wanted a brother. And I know that Jack will always be our son and Griffin's brother, but why can't he be here with us? Part of our life here on Earth? Even if we were to have 5 more kids, they will never be Jack. We will never see his physical body, or know his personality again. That grief is too much. The pain is too heavy. I KNOW that he is in a better place. Everyone means well by saying that, but...it still HURTS.

My arms are dying to hold him, my lips quiver to kiss him again. At times I can barely breathe. Why can't he be here? It was too short. The time was not long enough. We had so much to share, to give him, to teach him, to do with him.

Our dream of being a family of 4 was cut down. We still are a family, but we are broken in a way that can't be fixed. The pain is far to great to recover. We continue to go on, but it is not the same. We were all too young to bare such a loss. Griffin is too young to already know of death, especially of a brother. The shock and reality of our loss hits me at times harder than others. I think since I have been sick I've had more time to miss him and think of him. So I am venting here. I know we will find strength to renew our spirits. We always seem to get a little blessing when we feel really low. This grief continues to rise and fall, and the times it hits me usually takes me by surprise. Something small will trigger it, and before I know it, it hurts the same as it did in November.