Short version!!!!

I typed out this very long update on my new job, Ryan's job, Griffin school and ballet....and then it just dissappeared. So here is the short version. I'm ready to go to bed and its getting late.
Amanda:
New job, 15 hours a week in the guidance office at my old school, Mandarin Oaks Elelementary.
LOVE IT!!! Love Shelia and love Pam. They are awesome to work with. Teaching me so much.
I work 3 days a week. 5 hours each of the 3 days. I still have time to hang out with Griffin. We have a blast, laugh and cry daily when we talk about Baby Jack. We miss him so much!! I'm glad that she and I have this time to work on trying to heal.

Griffin:
Pre-school 2 days a week. She loves it. She knows her colors, shapes, many of her letters. We are still working on recognizing her numbers. She can count all day long, but can't tell you what a 5 looks like. We are getting there!!! She loves to sing, laugh, and play.
Favorite songs are: Jesus Loves ME, Beyonce Knowles "All the Single Ladies" HAHA I know!!!
She also like Natasha Beddingfield "Take Me Away" AKA the butterfly song. She is just a joy. She makes me laugh and she drives me crazy.

Ryan:
Staying busywith work. Doing a lot of overtime. HE has started more and more side work for friends, family, and church people. He really likes his boss Mike, who has been so good to us. I'm very proud of what all Ryan has learned in the past 3 years. He really enjoys being a commercial plumber.

Will write more later and post new pics. Gotta go to bed.

Heres the long version!!! I just found it....Of couse after I posted the "short version"

I went back to work part time at my old school. I really love it. It is 15 hours a week, so I do 3 5 hour days, and then I keep my friend's little girl on Wed. and Fridays. So needless to say we are very busy. My job is working in the guidance office at school. I like it because I can hide out and do paper work, which has been really interesting. I'm learning so much and it feels good to help the girls in guidance out, and some of the other teachers. I work with Shelia and Pam and they are so great. They have been so good to me and helped me ease back into the work setting. They listen to me when I need to talk about Jack, and keep me busy enough that I don't get bogged down in my thoughts. I get to go and observe kids in the classroom, and sit in on meetings about how we can help them get the best education possible. So over all I am blessed to have my job, and still a couple of days each week to stay home and play with Griffin.

She is doing very well. She is in pre-school 2 days a week and taking a ballet/dance class every Wednesday. We have a discussion daily about Jack. She ask me questions and I do the best to answer them. Sometimes we laugh about the things he did, and sometimes we cry at how much we miss him. Both are good ways for us to remember him.

Ryan is staying so busy with work. He has had to work the past 2 weekends. He likes his job. He is learning more and more and getting certified in different areas of plumbing, which open up more opprotunities for him. He has started doing a lot more side work for friends, people at church, and even some of the teachers at my school. I'm very proud of him and how much he has learned the past three years. He really likes his boss, and his boss has been really good to him this past year. He always allowed Ryan to take time to go to Dr. appt. with me while Iwas pregnant, and anytime Jack was sick or having a hard week. He let Ryan have plenty of time off during the funerel and days that followed. We really are blessed by the people God put in our life at this really hard time.

Griffin spent the weekend in Valdosta with Mom and Dad, and Ryan and I went to our good friend, LK's 30th birthday party. We went to a local Jacksonville fish camp/resturant and ate with friends. afterward they had a band and we all stayed around and laughed and danced. It felt good to laugh and be with friends. I'll post pics of the party soon. Then Sunday Ryan and I went out on our boat and fished and eat a picnic lunch. Very fun!

Words of comfort

Thank you all for your comments and prayers for me last night and today. I do read them and they bring me such comfort. Today has gone much better then I thought it would. I am so thankful to have this blog to vent some of my feelings. Love you and hope you have a good day.
Sincerely,
Amanda Lee

7 months old

I hope this blog finds its readers having a blessed and happy new year. The Lee family is just trying to heal one day at a time. I can't tell you how thankful we are to all our family, friends, and loved ones for the support they have given us.

Yesterday was Jan. 10th. Jack would have been 7 months old. Tomorrow Jan. 12th marks 2 months ago that he passed away. I can't believe how times ticks away. I know that it has to for many reasons. It forces us to continue this journey on Earth to get that much closer to our time with God in Heaven. It also protects us from dwelling on the sadness of a time or season in our lives. I know that we can't handle staying in one time too long.

Yesterday Ryan, Griffin, and I went to Tallahassee for a basketball game at FSU. It was a nice distraction from the sadness of the day. On our way home Ryan got really sleepy so I drove I-10 back to Jacksonville. Ryan and Griffin both fell asleep, which left me kind of alone with my thoughts. It was a beautiful night with a full moon. So I drove the darkness and thought of our time with Jack. I wept at the beauty of his small and very brief life. I thought about how he would have looked getting older and bigger. I tried to picture him sitting up and getting his first few teeth. I could hear his giggle and see his little smile. It was almost as if in that full moon, I could feel him shining down on me. I went to sleep that night crying for what could have been.

I still wake most mornings wondering if it were all a dream. I wake up wondering if he is still in his nursery, or if I am still pregnant. My breath catches in my chest hoping for a different outcome. It is so hard and mind blowing when the realization sinks in. It is like getting punched in the stomach. I just can't believe that we actually lost a precious baby.

I realize he is in a a better place, and that God loves him, and God loves us, but the ache to hold that sweet baby in my arms is almost too much to bear some days. A lot of days I do okay. I keep myself busy and distracted, but other days it does not matter what I do the sadness overwhelms me. It is hard for all of us.

A few nights ago Ryan, Griffin, and I went to dinner and started talking about Griffin's birthday. She will be 4 in May, but she is already very eager to have a party. She was talking about what kind of cake she wanted , and then looked at me and said, "Mom, do you think Jack and God could come to my party?" Ryan and I tried to smile and said they will be watching your party from Heaven. She seemed okay with that answer, but it took all that Ryan and I had not to fall apart right there in Chili's.

I am sorry if this post makes you sad or cry too. Please just continue to pray for me and my family. I think these days have been harder now that the dust has settled, the company has gone home, and the days go back to what was normal before we were pregnant. The big difference is that it can't go back to what it was before. Jack has forever changed our lives, some sadness, and a lot of beautiful memories.
Good night family and loved ones. Love, The Lees