The Shack

I recently finished reading "The Shack". It was a great book, especially for what we have gone through. I love the time that Mack spent at the Shack with God, Jesus and the holy spirit. I wish I could have an experience like that weekend with the Holy Trinity.

And even more life changing was a sermon I heard in Valdosta this past Sunday. It was based on "the shack", not the book but the symbolic place that we go when we are troubled, and dealing with a "great sadness". I have been camping in my own personal Shack for about a yer and a half. Ever since I found out about my pregnancy not being "normal" I have been grieving. Then all the stress, uncertainty, joy, memories, and sadness that Jack's life and death brought to our family. I found myself running to the shack, by myself, any chance I got. Looking through pictures, watching videos and DVDs of Jack's life, and even listening to his funereal recorded on a CD when I was driving alone in my car. I know that it probably normal for anyone grieving. I guess I feel like the sadness is where my baby and the memories are. The sadness keeps me close to him, and moving on to a happiness is moving farther from Jack, and our life with him. I spent my time feeling guilt from being happy, and guilt from being sad. I still do not have a clue how to handle this, but I know that God does not want us to camp out and dwell in our shack. Please pray for me as I continue to search for the right space to be in. I want to enjoy the present with Ryan, Griffin, our family and friends. But I never want to be removed from the past and the love I have for Jack, and how much he means to me, or how much I miss him. I also long for a future of love and happiness, and possible one day more children.

On a positive note, I started my Kindergarten class. We are in week two. It is so much fun. I teach half days and it is working great. Today we went and met Griffin's VPK teacher and saw her classroom. Ryan took an early lunch and we all three went to her school and enjoyed lunch together. Now Griffin and I are home with robin, our new puppy, and doing well. I'll try to add new pics soon. Computer is running slow. Love to my readers!