Saturday, January 23, 2010

Heaven is the Face

It has been too long since I have written. I have been busy teaching Kindergarten, and with Griffin's pre-school, and with Robin. We had a reallt nice Thanksgiving and Christmas. A lot of the awkard and saddness was not as thick as last year. We spent Thanksgiving in Kansas and Christmas in Valdosta. Then we spent a laidback New Year's Eve with our friends The Sohms. They have a little boy tha tis Griffin's age. It was a nice holiday break.

New Year's Day Ryan and I decided to do some house rearranging and cleaning out. We felt it was time to change Jack's nursery into a room that would still represent him, but we could use. Honestly, it took me about 14 months to come to terms with us losing Jack, and that he would never come back to live in this house or in his room. I did not realize how I was hanging on to that deep down inside, even though I KNEW it was impossible.

We put his changing table/shelf/storage furniture into the closet with my favortite toys, blankets, pictures and keepsakes. That way I can open the closet doors and touch, feel, and look at his things. I also have access to some of his clothes that I can touch and smell and get to very easily.

The room we took down his name letters, and some of the other cowboy stuff, and replaced it with butterflies that my sister, Sarah, gave me for Christmas. They are white. so the is a random spray of butterflies all over the room. It turned out really pretty. We put Griffin's Queen sized bed in there with a butterfly quilt that Ryan's Mamaw made a long time ago. We also put a night stand, and a vanity set in there. It all looks really pretty. Griffin like to sleep in htere. We moved the twin bed into Griffin pink room/play room with all her toys. We are all happy with how it turned out. I think Jack would like it too. We love you Bubby. I want to leave you with the words to the new Steven Curtis Chapmen song. Thank you all for your continued love and support. This journey is long and ever changing. ~Amanda

"Heaven is the face of a little girl
With dark brown eyes
That disappear when she smiles.
Heaven is the place
Where she calls my name
Says, “Daddy please come play with me for awhile.”
God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more,
But God, You know, that this is what I’m aching for.
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door.
So right now...Heaven is the sound of her breathing deep,
Lying on my chest, falling fast asleep while I sing.
And Heaven is the weight of her in my arms,
Being there to keep her safe from harm while she dreams
And God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more,
But God, You know, that this is what I’m longing for
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door.
But in my mind’s eye I can see a place
Where Your glory fills every empty space.
All the cancer is gone,
Every mouth is fed,
And there’s no one left in the orphans’ bed.
Every lonely heart finds their one true love,
And there’s no more goodbye,
And no more not enough,
And there’s no more enemy (no more).
Heaven is a sweet, maple syrup kiss
And a thousand other little things I miss with her gone.
Heaven is the place where she takes my hand
And leads me to You,
And we both run into Your arms.
Oh God, I know, it’s so much more than I can dream.
It’s far beyond anything I can conceive.
So God, You know, I’m trusting You until I see
Heaven in the face of my little girl,
Heaven in the face of my little girl. "

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