Thinking of Jack

It is so hard to try feeling normal right now. Some days I do okay, and then some I just want to jump out of my skin. The anxiety of not being able to hold my son is more than I can bear. I just sit in his room and try to feel him. Sometimes it is comforting and sometimes it is frustrating because you can't feel anything. We have his slideshow of pictures that I watch and some video tape of him eating his applesauce and rice cereal.
I am so thankful that Griffin, Ryan, and I got to do a lot of the things we talked to Griffin early on in my pregnancy. She got to bathe him, push him in a stoller, help change diapers, and finally feed him. For the 5 months we had him, it was just beautiful. It was hard because we never knew from day to day what could happen, but that forced us to live each day to the fullest we possibley could with Jack.
We squeezed in a lot of fun in a short amount of time. If you did not get to go to the funerel here in Jacksonville I'll list a few of the things Jack got to do( our friend Eddie Phillips "my elder" did a beautiful job sharing at the service the list below of what all we were able to do with Baby Jack):

• He rode in our boat
• went to Wilson's tee-ball game
• went to Olive Garden
• went to his own baby shower at Missy's house
• he went to Griffin's pre-school pumpkin party
• he went to church
• he went to his PedsCare Halloween party
• he went to my school where I taught ; Mandarin Oaks Elementary
• He went to Mrs. Rita's house
• He sat in Santa's lap with his Big Sister
• He smiled at us and laughed at his sissy, Winnie, and Wilson while taking Halloween pics.
• he went with us to Mandarin park several times and we feed the fish

We made sure that this little boy got to experience some wonderful things his short time here on Earth. I am so thankful to God that we got to share that with him, and that God shared him with us. Oh how I wish for more time! One day we will spend eternity together.

When Jack passed away Ryan wanted to make sure we dressed him in play cloths. He wore his soft overalls so that he would be ready to play when he got to heaven. We picture him fishing with his great grandpapas. And I know he gets rocked to sleep each night by his Granny, Nana, and Mamaw.

That is all for tonight. Hope to post pictures very soon.